Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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