We named our party play list daddy issues
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
