this beer tastes like vomit already
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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