Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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