You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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