He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
