she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
