Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
