Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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