u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
