I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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