wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
