Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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