wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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