She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
