Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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