Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
