This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
