yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
