Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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