so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
