Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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