my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
