what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
