So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
