Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
