I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
