i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
