I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
