i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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