I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
