take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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