so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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