he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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