Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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