Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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