It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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