Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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