dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
