If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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