By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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