eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
