I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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