Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
