My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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