My Higher Power is John Stamos
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
