She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
