Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
