Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
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Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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