i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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