so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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