just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think brook has ever known best
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
