There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
