I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
