My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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