Small penises have feelings too.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
