Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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