i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
