This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
