update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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