i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
